RANSVESTIA

I am compelled, incidentally, to reject my TV acquaintance's judg- ment for these reasons. Several months before, I, too, had accepted my situation as normal, came "out of the closet" and felt completely free and at peace with myself for the first time in my life.

This decision was made several months before and several months after I stopped drinking. Then in March 1974 came a return to drink- ing after four months of abstinence. But after a bad weekend which brought my first arrest for driving under the influence, then a night in which I went strolling in public in TV style, followed by an arrest for public drunkenness (my first) but fortunately not in femme style, I realized I had to stop.

My attitude toward TVism didn't change, however, till about the fourth month after this latest effort to achieve permanent sobriety was initiated. Then I started noticing that I was either too tired or didn't have time to dress.

At the same time I decided to switch jobs. Then I decided to get a haircut, for the sake of the "business image." In news work (which I was in before switching but later returned to), the length of hair doesn't matter. Mine had been growing for about nine months, sup- plementing my femme posture. The "image," I now suspect, was merely an excuse to do what I had been wanting to do, in withdrawing from TVism.

In the ensuing months, I had occasional revivals of interest in TVism but they weren't strong enough for me to take the trouble to dress up.

About six weeks after changing jobs, I changed again: the restaur- ant business was not my "bag," as the saying goes not the business of washing dishes about eight hours a day six days a week. This wasn't what I had signed up for, so I returned to the news business.

By last fall, I had developed an antipathy toward TVism - for my- self. I got rid of the femme clothing and the wig. Now on this date when I think of TV, I feel that I'd just as soon seat myself on a red hot stove as dress up again. And I am one who is so intolerant of pain I insist on being given a general anaesthetic before I'll have my hair cut.

I had tried to quit TVism several times before, but each time had been motivated by a sense of guilt. This time last year, however,